“My children enrage me!”: the personal experience of a mother who went to a psychologist to stop yelling at her sons15.09.2022
Talk about cleanliness. I gathered the whole family together and announced to my children and husband that I really want to stop yelling at them, that I will try, but I ask for their support in this. I allowed the children, if I start screaming, to interrupt me, stop me, leave the room. She promised not to punish them for this, if suddenly their actions did not work. This really helps, but in the most difficult cases, when the cause of the conflict is serious (for example, it came to a fight) and irritation goes off scale, alas, it does not work.
Think of a saving phrase. It is needed when arguments are over, control is lost and an eruption is almost inevitable. Instead of shouting, remember this mantra, repeat it several times and as if putting on a life buoy. I came up with this: “My family is my love.” When I say these words at the moment of loss of control, it is easier for me to stop. But this item, like the previous one, works in case of minor troubles. Admittedly, this is not bad, because often a big fire breaks out because of a small spark.
Identify triggers and learn how to react to them in advance. These are the so-called triggers, what makes you fly off the coils. Together with the psychologist, we made a table of such things, marked when they most often occur. They are rather banal and obvious, but it was very useful to look at them from the outside and present the picture as a whole. For example, every morning we quarrel before leaving the house because Artyom and Vova quarrel about who put on the shoes, the hat first, and pressed the elevator button. In the store, whining about – to buy this or that thing is annoying. And I always break down when children interfere with talking on the phone.
Take measures. It turned out to be both simple and difficult at the same time. Simple – because I began to see my problem a little from the outside and understand where and what can be done, but difficult – because I had to change the usual things and ask others about it. But something really worked. For example, I clearly saw that half the time my breakdowns are due to conflicts between children. And she began, where possible, to separate them. For example, if earlier in the morning we always left the house together, first we brought Vova to school, then we went with Artem to kindergarten, now my husband takes the elder to lessons, and I take Artem, we leave the house at different times. It’s not very convenient for me, because now I have to go to the garden by transport, but thanks to this, my morning cries almost stopped.