7 mistakes in communicating with a divorced man

7 mistakes in communicating with a divorced man

05.09.2022 0 By admin

Mistake #3. Think you are the only one

There are no divorced men in the world, except, of course, those who are no longer interested in the physical side of love, who would immediately change one woman (ex-spouse) for another. Usually this sex list is substantially longer for two reasons. Firstly, there is a need for diversity – what if somewhere there is a woman even more temperamental, with even longer legs? Secondly, the “emptiness” in the heart is “clogged” in a variety of ways – meeting with one, then with another, then with a third – the main thing is not to be alone – one of them.

What to do: do not build illusions, but it is better not to rush to go to bed with him. After one and a half to two years, the number of mistresses in his bed will be reduced to a minimum.

Mistake #4. Dating a “newly” divorced

Even the best, decent, kind men during this period of their lives part with their best qualities and become a hybrid of a terminator and a meat grinder for grinding other people’s emotions and turning them into a resource for their own growth. Psychologists say that at least two years must pass in order for a man to “ripen” to a new serious relationship. In between, he will “train”, working out his new attitudes and principles on new women, because he broke up with the old ones during the breakup of the family.

What to do: wait it out! Wait until the “post-divorce cycle” comes to an end. First, a man “rushes” to have sex, then enters into a fairly long relationship with one woman, but does not marry her, then he takes several mistresses at the same time and everything suits him, finally, when the mistresses get tired of this state of affairs and leave him, the man, finally ready for a new relationship. So leave him alone. Wait until he enjoys his hard-won freedom.

However, you should not completely disappear from the horizon – stay in warm and unobtrusive friendships.

Mistake #5. Get a feeling of guilt

Even if a divorced man is a person with pronounced bad habits and other shortcomings, there will always be potential brides who are ready to justify him: “Here, the first wife did not understand him – but I understand, she did not appreciate him – but I will appreciate, she did not create conditions for him and I…” and the like. Such women are in danger of earning a strong sense of guilt on this basis, – warns the famous psychotherapist Nikolai Naritsyn. After all, if your divorced acquaintance is an alcoholic, a spender, a miser, a sadist, and the like, do not convince yourself that it was his wife who made him like this, but I, they say, will remake him … This is almost impossible.

What to do: stop trying to “remake” a man “for yourself”.

Mistake #6. Hoping for perfect sex

You should not draw rainbow pictures of sex exploits with his participation. Sex is impulsive, short-term, sex with a “coming” partner is not at all like marital sex. With my wife there is a “tuning” – psychological and biological, the second is even more important. Although there is no particular attraction to each other (after several years of living together), the bodies of the husband and wife “tuned” to each other at the level of biorhythms, excitement comes quickly, without prolonged foreplay, intimacy occurs stereotypically, the level of pleasure is high, and discharge achieved in 4-5 minutes, – warns the famous sexologist Alexander Poleev.

What to do: be aware that erotic fantasies and life are two different things. For pleasure, at least a minimal emotional attachment is necessary, and for both partners.

Mistake #7. Put an end to it or place all hopes on it

65% of men will remarry within the next five years, while the vast majority of them do not regret the divorce, but are convinced that the first wife was better. Another 15% marry within five to ten years after the divorce. The remaining 20% create a new family only after twenty or more years. This group of men, together with those who did not initially create a family, doom 30, and in some cities – 33% of quite worthy representatives of the fair sex to loneliness.

What to do: be patient and not refuse to meet other potential suitors. Firstly, the man did not destroy the family at all in order to soon start a new one; he wants to enjoy freedom, including sexual freedom. To create a new family, he needs time, if you rush him, destroy the relationship. Secondly, do not blame yourself if you have one (two, three) more fans – what if the statistics are not on your side, and this particular man will be among those who do not marry for a very long time after a divorce?