Trust or verify: how to behave with a child01.09.2022
About where the truth is, we asked Lyubov Mashinoy, Honored Teacher of the Russian Federation, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, winner of the Prize of the Government of the Russian Federation in the field of education.
There must be a golden mean in everything. The level of control should differ depending on the age of the child. At kindergarten age, absolutely everything falls under control: how the child is dressed, what toys he should play with. Control in secondary school, in high school should be different from kindergarten. Trust and control do not contradict each other. You can, for example, entrust the child with the independent purchase of clothes, but at the same time discuss the details of the purchase with him, take into account his opinion. Parental control should be rather a school of self-preparation of the child for adulthood. Children must learn to control their actions.
So what to do: trust or control?
Of course, trust, as well as control, must be present in equal quantities in the upbringing of a child. Natural and unobtrusive control also takes place: parents should be aware of events taking place in the lives of children. Recently, the mother of an 8th grade student turned to our school psychologist. Mom constantly controlled him out of good intentions in all aspects of life (what is better for him to do, with whom to communicate, than to eat, what to wear). As a result, at home the son was withdrawn and irritable: he never shared his plans, events taking place in life. What was the mother’s surprise when she learned from the class teacher that her quiet and modest child was the “ringleader” in the class – a hypersocial boy who did not hesitate to participate in various school activities. The psychologist advised parents to communicate with their son more often, to reduce control over him.